Archive for: May, 2009

Free for All Friday 23

May 29 2009 Published by Sarah, etc. under Free for all Friday

I am working on making extreme advertising style jokes without sounding like a twatwaffle. So far, no dice. Look:

BACK THE FUCK UP HERE IS A HUGE WALL OF SHIT TO READ!

See? Meanwhile, said huge wall of shit to read:

  • This website is the best website ever and I will have words with anyone who disagrees: Explosions and Boobs. I tweeted it earlier in the week and was promptly sainted and roundly cheered. And Doc sort of tried to disagree by saying that the explosions needed to be bigger and the boobs needed to be nakeder. But we didn’t have words because that’s the only thing that could make them better. Also, motion. Big huge exploding explosions and big naked boobs. Which could jiggle or something, I don’t know.
  • Cameron Frye’s house is for sale. Cameron is one of those 80s movie characters I still really want to make out with. Also, Egon Spengler.

    What? Don’t front like Egon’s not the sexiest mofo on the Ghostbuster’s squad.

  • Why We Drink
  • Stop grafting highbrow socio-politcal subtext onto lowbrow zombie films. Or don’t. But if you do, please keep it to yourself.
  • Frank Lloyd Wright Lego set!
  • The World Beard Championship
  • Can the Awesome Powers of the Interwebs(tm) cast Nathan Fillion as The Green Lantern for reals?
  • We missed National Offend a Feminist week. Start planning now for next year!
  • Behind the scenes at High Poon. There are many, many colorful swear words but no otherwise objectionable content. And watching Alan Tudyk make his vowels more rounded will make you laugh until you practically die dead of it.
  • How to Make Problematic Food. Excellent illustrated directions for making an Ice Planet. No web page yet on making a time machine and going back to 2003 or whatever and bludgeoning Joss Whedon to death with his own bong so as to save Hoban Washburne’s life.

LOOKIT THIS GQ MOTHERFUCKING BACON

6 responses so far

Aw, Dammit!

May 28 2009 Published by Sarah, etc. under Memes and Assorted Nonsense

Quizzes Girls Games

Edited to add: HERE THIS MAKES IT ALL BETTER OMG

8 responses so far

Gormenghastocabulary VII

May 28 2009 Published by Sarah, etc. under Lexpionage, Recovering English Major

What? I used to talk about words? Psh! It’s true. I used to hunt down, then lovingly research words that were new to me. Then I stopped. I think because I’m lazy, but I can’t be sure. Nevertheless, I realized that, having finished Gentlemen of the Road a few weeks ago, and writing down many interesting words from that book, I was not going to be able to ever talk about them. I still have a truck of words from Titus Groan by Mervyn Peake to talk about. So if I ever want to move on, and lexpiate different books or read the next Gormenghast book, I am going to have to get back on task.

Insert whip cracking noise here. And if you’ve come this far, and cracked that whip, maybe follow it up with “Minimum Wage,” by They Might Be Giants. That is a great song!

And adjure is a great word:

“Your name is TITUS,” said Sourdust very simple, “TITUS the seventy-seventh Earl of Groan and Lord of Gormenghast. I do adjure you hold each cold stone sacred that clings to these, your grey ancestral walls. I do adjure you hold the dark soil sacred that nourishes your high leaf-burdened trees. I do adjure you hold the tenets sacred that ramify the creeds of Gormenghast. I dedicate you to your father’s castle. Titus, be true.”

To adjure is to charge, bind, or command. Possibly with threats. The root of the word is jury, right. All these things are so obvious to me when typing about them. But when reading, they just seem so brand new. Have I mentioned nine or ten times that Peake makes me punch drunk with new words? I might as well have little bluebirds flitting around my head. Countess Groan pun intended!

Anyway, Latin jurare means “swear” and jus means “law” and that’s a tall order for an infant, don’t you think? But you, me, and Sourdust all know that words have power. And now so does the 77th Earl of Groan.

Interestingly enough, for those of you who are familiar with the plot of the novel, this ceremony (of all of Gormenghasts endless, interminable ceremonies) happens immediately before the first really humongous event of the book. I don’t want to spoil it too much for anybody who might care to read it through someday, so I’ll just say that them all getting out alive is in question, even though you know someone is going to try to kill them (all of them: Sourdust, Titus, the Earl, the Countess, Fuschia, Nanny, Flay, everybody). One of the first literary examples of the use of the word “adjure” is Joshua 6:26:

And Joshua adjured them at that time, saying, Cursed be the man before the LORD, that riseth up and buildeth this city Jericho: he shall lay its foundation in his first-born, and in his youngest son shall he set up the gates of it.

Gormenghast is a contrast to Jericho– the walls must never, ever come down. Interesting allusion Peake sets up there, don’t you think?

Speaking of thinking, there’s gibbous:

His body gave the appearance of being malformed, but it would be difficult to say exactly what gave it this gibbous quality. Limb by limb it appeared that he was sound enough, but the sum of these several members accrued to an unexpectedly twisted total.

This word I had to chew on a while. I was used to seeing gibbous to describe celestial bodies, never human ones. And then I started to wonder if it had anything to do with primates. And while it’s all contextually evident, I still wanted to dig around in it. Gibbous is primarly an astronomy term, but it also means “humpbacked.” The literal definition is “characterized by convexity” and it’s root is Latin, gibbus, which simply means “hump.”

The passage describes the character Steerpike, the novel’s big mover and shaker. I read that passage and visualized him as being someone whose body was strangely proportioned, perhaps top heavy, with oddly long arms and oddly short legs, like a Gibbon. That he would be hunchbacked never occurred to me. And now I find I can’t repair my mental image of him to fit his author’s description.

But does that really matter? I’m moving on anyway, to pellucid:

Beneath them swam the pellucid volumes of the morning air. Above them spread the withered elegance of the dead tree, and to their left its lace-like shadow.

I look at this word and think, “Ooh, prefixes!” To be pellucid is to allow for maximum transmission of light; in other words, translucent. The prefix here is “per” not “pel,” which is really interesting, don’t you think? I don’t remember enough Latin at all to tell you why r would change to l in front of the root lucere meaning “to shine” except that perlucere (“through shine”) could get really hard to say, two laterals in a row like that. So a bit of shift in the mouth and a bit of shift in the orthography, and the air around Gormenghast is see-through. Reading that passage, I imagine that the air is clear, but has some humidity to it, so it’s a bit swimmy. You can see through it, but it might distort your view ever so slightly.

What might volume 8 of the Gormenghastocabulary hold? Find out next week! Provided I remain even vaguely motivated! No promises!

One response so far

You Have Ten Seconds

May 27 2009 Published by Sarah, etc. under Geekery

You know, okay, gosh darn it! I give up. It’s yours. You can have it. You have to give me a minute to put it in a box for you, okay?

One response so far

The Five Minute Rule

May 26 2009 Published by Sarah, etc. under Speechifying

Today, I’m ranting. I want the entire world off my lawn and on notice. No, not really the whole world. A narrow sliver of the world. And not really a rant. More like a question I really need answered. Because I cannot be this completely out to lunch.

I have recently begun to try to contract a good deal of labor on my house. I say try, because no matter how many estimate appointments I schedule, how many follow up phone calls I make, how diligent I am in figuring out potential dates and times, I cannot get half the contractors to call me back. I know I ought to adjust my expectations and just cope with the half that do call back, or the half that take 10 minutes at the end of an interview, go back to their trucks and write the estimate out right there. I know it. But I keep thinking that the guys who’ll fax me later might cut me a break.

But then, if they never show up and I have to go through all this again (a third time!) then how much a break am I really getting cut?

Still, estimates vary pretty widely: over $1100 between high and low. I was ready to work with the guy who gave me the lowest estimate. He was also the first person I had give me an estimate. I haven’t heard from him in two weeks. Despite the fact that the last time I left him a voice mail, I said, “I’d like to sign a contract and give you a deposit.” Maybe it was offering to give him deposit money that scared him off.

Since then I’ve made six appointments, and seen four contractors. One of the six was a no-show. One was an hour late and I, like a trusting fool, actually called him to see where he was. On his way, but he couldn’t be bothered to let me know that. He then gave me the highest estimate. I’m seeing one more person today. And still waiting on a couple faxed estimates.

Really, I shouldn’t be writing this until I receive, or conspicuously don’t receive, those final, faxed estimates. But I’m still doing it, because I’m working on a theory. I think now that, as with most other working-with-people situations, you can know inside five minutes whether or not it’s gonna be a good fit. For the limited amount of time I was a manager with hiring responsibility, I always knew within the first five minutes. People who want work present themselves a certain way. They’re straightforward; they make eye contact; they seem alert; they’re well-spoken, if not talkative or articulate.

Appointment three of six, when I called him, answered the phone, “Yeah?” I should have hung up. Instead, I plowed ahead and said, “My name is Sarah. Is this So and So Painting Blah Blah?” “Yeah it is, how’d you get my number?” I should have hung up. Instead, I answered, “The yellow pages. Do you no longer perform these services?” “The yellow pages?!” “Yes, the yellow pages.” “The yellow pages?!” I am not kidding! What is wrong with me that I didn’t say, “I’m sorry to have bothered you. Have a nice day.”? The actual estimate actually bore out what I thought then. He was late, disorganized, inarticulate, and just plain not paying attention.

Now, of the two people who presented themselves best over the phone, I’m waiting on estimates. The one guy of those two that I’ve met with was, in person, everything I expected based on his phone conversation: alert, well-spoken, and apparently willing to actually perform the services he advertises. I meet the next guy this afternoon.

Is good customer service a given, any longer? Is it worth it to complain about it at all? Or should we just quietly reward those who do offer it, while ignoring those who don’t? I just think that if you advertise that you wish to perform a specialized service for money, and I say, “I will give you money for your services” that you actually interact with me like a person. Am I being unreasonable? More so than usual?

10 responses so far

Free for All Friday 22

May 22 2009 Published by Sarah, etc. under Free for all Friday

Free for All Friday returns, bearing bacon!

  • Mike Judge spoofs silly hippies in The Goode Family. Like Mr. Van Driessen from Beavis and Butthead got married, had 2.5 kids and tried to turn his dog in to a vegetarian. It won’t be The Middleman level cool, but I think this will be a fun summer show.
  • 7(ish) things I’ve Always Wondered about Back to the Future. Chris makes a lot of good points. I hadn’t noticed most of them, but the one he points out that I did, was that Marty wakes up on a Saturday and both his siblings are going to work. That always bothered me. I’ve worked plenty of Saturdays, but as a little kid, that made me really uncomfortable.
  • The Post-American Apocalypse:

    So-called “democracy” has always been a precarious stand-in, replacing the feud of armed men with the feud of words and ballots (i.e., unarmed men). Here a rule-based game has replaced the old power-and-violence game. It is logical to assume, that once the rule-based game effectively nullifies itself through its own progressive and steady derangement, there necessarily occurs a reversion to the power-and-violence game.

    Christopher likes to immitate John Derbyshire at me a lot, by bringing up political topics, then gesturing with his wineglass while intoning, “DOOOOOOMED.” That about sums things up.

  • Adam Baldwin tells AGW Indoctrinators to Keep on Fucking Off, especially when it comes to telling people how they can reproduce.
  • The Bacon Vodka is safe in the cupboard, steeping. It’s turning a pleasant sepia color and there’s a nice layer of fat on the top. Should Skittles vodka be our next experiment?

BACON OM NOM NOM

  • Bacon Brownies
  • From Apollo, who never stops rocking and I would say is rocking right now but he’s in Seattle and it’s 5 a.m. there, so he’s probably asleep and dreaming of rock and Bacones. These are pretty special. These are fancy special occasion foods. If you have a big event in your life, like a graduation or a wedding or a three day weekend, maybe, honor yourself with a Bacone.
  • Candied Bacon Chocolates. Don’t want to spend your month’s pocket money on the Vosages? Make your own!
  • Other Bacon Brownies. These have the best ingredients list. It calls for 1/2 cup of butter and bacon drippings. I like the idea that you’re trying to get your stuff together to make brownies and you realize you’ve just got a few tablespoons of butter. You think, “Wow, needs more fat. What have I got?” And maybe you’ve got Crisco, that would work. Maybe you’ve got vegetable oil, probably wouldn’t work, couldn’t aerate. You’ve got sour cream, but you don’t want a dense brownie. But there, in the door of your fridge, is a jar of bacon grease, loving saved from many weekend morning breakfasts. Hell yeah!
  • These are merely bacon adjacent*, but check out Honey Baked Ham Cupcakes. It’s a honey-whiskey flavored cupcake, baked in a ham wrapper, topped with cinnamon cream cheese frosting and a slice of candied pineapple. It’s practically a complete meal. And so pretty! Do you think you could use a bacone-type system to make the wrapper out of bacon instead of ham? Like par bake the bacon in the tin, then add the cupcake batter and bake again? It might be a bit easier to eat, since the bacon wrapper would be crispy, where the ham wrapper was a bit chewy. Also, what other flavor combinations could you think of? Here we have honey-whiskey-cinnamon-pineapple. What about vanilla-chambord-frangipane-raspberry?

* You can beat me up in the parking lot after class, if you want.

2 responses so far

Coincidence or Balls Out Chutzpah?

May 21 2009 Published by Sarah, etc. under Fandom, Geekery

The trailer for the new V:

Did you see him! There were only two little clips that I could see, at 1:27 and 1:29, but there is Alan Tudyk. And also Morena Baccarin with a hairstyle that makes me want to cry. But in the interest of saving my mascara, Alan Tudyk!

Oh, and “hope,” “change,” “worship,” and “devotion.” And, just when you think it couldn’t get any more neon-lights and jazz-hands, “Just be sure not to ask anything that would paint us in a negative light.” Allahpundit calls it an allegory. An allegory uses symbolic language. This is more of a dispatch. Possibly a shot across the bow. And it’s giving me almost a perverse sense of pleasure. You?

I was too young to watch V the first time around. I remember sneaking off from a family party once to watch it and being so scared by what I saw (a big red cave, a person in a cocoon, lizardy eyes and tongues) that I cried when told it was time for bed. I am so looking forward to this!

One response so far

You Used to Pull Your Punches.

May 20 2009 Published by Sarah, etc. under Geekery

It was scene-stealing hack, thank you very much.

4 responses so far

The Right Kind of Monster for Me

May 19 2009 Published by Sarah, etc. under Recovering English Major

Why isn’t this in the book?

Screech

I would totally read that!

4 responses so far

The Best News You’ll Hear Today

May 19 2009 Published by Sarah, etc. under Gaming

Seriously!

In this era of ever-more complex games, sometimes it’s nice to just get out and shoot things. Pretty soon we’ll have the chance, with a brand new Serious Sam having just been announced.

And from bit tech:

It’s unclear what we can expect in the next Serious Sam game, but miniguns and mayhem will probably feature prominently as Sam closes in on his arch-nemesis, the alien warlord, Mental.

I hope they keep the finding naked booty with the sniper rifle. And the Serious Bombs. And the Canon. Nothing quite like a zillion bad guys flooding at you and firing the canon and waiting three seconds for the boom-and-recoil. Good times!

One response so far

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