Sarah Et Cetera

Welcome to the John Hughes memorial edition of FFAF. Please raise a bacon-mocha latte (or if you’re Doc, a tang) to the man who scripted your youth. And, as you read, explore, enjoy, shriek, and salivate today, maybe consider leaving your favorite Hughes movie quote or moment in the comments. Or just do that right now, then come back and read. Then maybe, if you’ve changed your mind, amend.

• Cheat! Here are the acceptable answers to the Rorschach test.
• Douchebag name generator
• Via David Thompson, wee tiny pies on sticks.
• Which Whedonverse character are you? That quiz sucks. I know I’m Anya. Except for that I can’t accessorize as well and I’m not frightened of bunnies.
• Bay Area Top 100 slang
• Emails from an asshole

• Ellen DeGeneres’s moving commencement speech at Tulane University. It’s almost 10 minutes long, but it’s very worth watching.

• A good martini recipe laboring under the delusion that there is more than one kind of martini
• From Apollo, fucking shut the fuck up!
  

  The main syntactic problem is to determine whether the fuck is being used as an pleonastic (semantically empty) direct object of shut or as a pre-head modifier of the preposition phrase (PP) headed by up. …. And I think we can do this.

• From Honu Girl, Build Your Own Apocalypse. She and I both built man-made-everybody-lives style apocalypses. We need some kind of weekend workshop in remedial carnage.
• Nerdgasm! Back and better than ever!
• On the uselessness of the White House “Cyber Czar”:

  Second, the cyber czar, like most actual royalty in the world these days, is destined to be more figurehead than Sun King. He (or she) would have no power of service providers or industries that are both the underpinnings of cyber space and the victims of online assaults. Despite grandiose claims to the contrary, the government has very little direct impact on how safe national resources are online.

• Drink whiskey to ward off swine flu!
• Yet another FFAF item to file under What You Gonna Do with All that Ass? Alabama bans sales of pinot noir for featuring hot art-nouveau booty.
  

  The galling thing is, Alabama — same as the rest of the nation — has plenty of real problems it could be addressing. Alabama the Beautiful (and fully clothed) has its share of poverty, joblessness, homelessness, uninsured, adult illiteracy, high-school dropouts and corrupt politicians. Maybe, just maybe, there are bigger fish to fry than a bare fanny on a bottle.

  It makes me wonder– what if that’s it. What if everyone is just so overwhelmed by everything else, especially the bankruptcy and the corruption, that they’ve moved into a mindset where they ignore what is too hard, and too risky to fix in favor of this nonsense. This nonsense your constituents probably won’t know or care about but you can sum it up in a newsletter as “public decency” or “protecting our children.” Making difficult decisions about funding that might someday put us back on the road to solvency could totally be exploited by opponents. Then I wonder exactly how many of Alabama’s problems can really be fixed by legislators. What if they would be better fixed if the legislators just knocked it off, already? Isn’t the wine bottle art indicative of a larger trend? If people can’t be trusted to deal with a cartoon behind on a wine bottle, how could they ever be trusted to find their own jobs or teach their children to read? Maybe the editorialist is missing the point. Maybe it’s not about the laughable debate over what is or is not decent. Maybe it’s about whether or not we’ve become so infantilized or distracted or both, that we, or our fellows, have stopped thinking, content to let the government do our thinking for us.

• Geometry cheat sheet t-shirt. Must have! I’ll get this for myself when I get the next Math Girl up.
• From Marcie, Twitter like it’s 1899. She told me, “You need to study up! This is way better than standard txtspeak.”
• KitKat and M&M birthday cake– just think! Inside all that candy, there’s cake! Maybe instead of candles you could use flaming piepops!
• Dispatch from the Department of Double Standards
• Everything you know about cosmology is wrong. Maybe. Or possibly not. Or possibly sinister. Definitely not included on the geometry cheat sheet tshirt:

  This state of affairs has serious implications for how we proceed in our exploration of the universe. A host of missions are being planned to pin down dark energy, but unless we measure the geometry much more accurately, the whole endeavour could be futile. In short, we will remain resolutely in the dark about dark energy.

• New Zealand brings us commuter jetpacks! The future is here! And it comes from New Zealand, which makes so much sense– they live in the future!
• Hack your sleep cycle to stave off jetlag.
• The Omnivore’s Delusion asks you to consider the implications of a lot of professional moral grandstander food snobs telling professional farmers what is or is not good for the land they’ve been working for generations.
• Also from Honu Girl, FA-18 emerges from transdimesional portal.
• How to Guest Clack at CliqueClack TV
• Also from Apollo, Spiders are an FFAF thing, right? Right! In fact, I’m considering retagging the whole shebang here something to the effect of, “Hold on, sugar, Friday’s comin’. And on Friday we get mostly bacon, some spiders.”
• From Doc, the world’s most elegant website.
• Also from Doc, those fuckers at Apple think they can censor the dictionary.
• Related: A really fast dicitonary. Fast like a ninja!
• There’s nothing like a good flash mob. And there’s really nothing like a great flashmob dancing to the Sound of Music.
• Harry Potter wall art. The site opens with music, so that’s annoying. But other than that, believe you me I’m trying to think of a reason I might need a life sized (or larger!) Professor Snape for my wall.
• The actual headline is “Alumna sues college because she hasn’t found a job.” I think it should be “Idiot demands money because life is really really really hard when you’re as stupid as she is.” I really like this part:
  

  She suggested that Monroe’s Office of Career Advancement shows preferential treatment to students with excellent grades. “They favor more toward students that got a 4.0. They help them more out with the job placement,” she said

  Can you believe that shit? It’s almost like, I don’t know, cause and motherfucking effect. Seriously, of all the things to get worked up about on the internet lately, this one’s taken precedence for me. I fantasize about finding this woman and just excoriating her.

Many links purloined from Maggie’s Farm, which features conservative discussion, yankee herbology, and, often, cute cheesecake photography.

Do You Have This in Leather, Rubber, or Barbed Wire? Or Bacon?

• Bacon-wrapped jalapeno thingies. Major, major yum. (Is seriously what they are called and I dare you to come up with a better name.)
• [Water] Chestnut wraps
• Chanterelle, Bacon, Plum and Bleu Cheese salad
• Pasta e Fagioli, with reinforcement that this is pronounced FAZOOL!
• Bacon lentils
• This is a blog entry about how to make English Muffins. She makes them, and they look great. She puts bacon in them and they look even better!
• BLAT wrap. Guess what the B stands for!
• Merely bacon adjacent, but let’s hear for the idea of making Carbonara heartier.
• Cheddar cheese pancakes with warm bacon vinaigrette. I know, I know. There’s “terroir” in the title of a post NOT about wine. Roll with it. You won’t be disappointed.
• Another version of brown sugar bacon waffles. I may table this after this week.
• Spicy baked bacon beans
• Red potato salad with bacon and duck eggs. I don’t know where you’d get duck eggs. Farmer’s marker? Probably Whole Foods. But I think that this would totally not suffer from using pedestrian chicken eggs.
• A beautiful, fun smoke your own bacon post.
• More pig candy
• Baby BLT breakfast amuse-bouche. It’s a big week for haute bacon, don’t you think?
• How to freeze leftover bacon
• Cobb salad with frying bacon action shot!
• BLT tips’n'tricks

The only untrue thing John Hughes ever wrote: “Andie, hon. Listen, it’s after 7:00. Don’t waste good lip gloss.” Demonstrably false. Lip gloss is never a waste.