Sarah Et Cetera

Oh, honeys. Look what I have for you today. I’m starting you off with something that may leave you ruined for life. And by “ruined” I mean “insensate with awesome.”

• Vodkapundit’s Greatest Thing in the History of All Stuff Ever. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “Sarah, please stop linking to conservative web sites.” But what I am telling you is that it is GIRLS IN BIKINIS READING STAR WARS!!!!!1!1eleventy
• Via Zooey Glass, Sarah Rees Brennan’s take on Harry Potter and the Half-Baked Nonsensical Interpretation of a Very Complex and Moving Fine Fuck It Half-Blood Prince:
  

  NARCISSA MALFOY: Snape, I’d be ever so thankful if you’d swear to protect my son Draco.
  BELLATRIX: Nonsense Cissy, he’d never do it. He’s not MAN enough to take the Unbreakable Vow.
  SNAPE: I am totally willing to do anything you two want me to do. By the way, do you fancy drinks?
  SCENE: Two grateful ladies. One lonely Potions Master.
  SCENE: *discreetly fades out*

• New Married to the Sea t-shirts. I don’t know which one I like best. Probably the one about armadillos, but the Dutch Oven one is pretty funny.
• J C Penney’s opens a store in Manhattan. Cintra Wilson flips her shit:
  

  This niche has been almost wholly neglected on our snobby, self-obsessed little island. New York boutiques tend to cater to the stress-thin, morbidly workaholic, Pilates-tortured Manhattan ectomorph. But there are many more body types who vote with their hard-earned dollars, who appreciate a clean new space in Midtown to buy affordable clothes in hard-to-find sizes, as well as attentive service from attitude-free professionals.

• Cute, funny video: don’t send a man to the grocery store. Or a seriously left-brained man. Or a man in a hurry. I recently sent Christopher to the store on his own and he did splendidly, even though he is a left-brained man.

• From Honu Girl, Zombaritaville.
• From Lady Glutter, What kind of Republican are you? Chances are you’re the kind that likes to watch hot babes in bikinis read cheesy sci-fi!
• Also from Honu Girl, get in on a government Kash for Kittehs program.
• This may seem out of place, but it is far, far, FAR too wonderful to be relegated to a list of bacon items at the end of the FFAF, because I’m pretty sure you all just go “blah blah blah BLT chocolate soup teh end.” So I’ve moved it here, to the middle, so you can aim laser concentration at Because Everything Should Taste Like Bacon:
  

  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SEND ME THINGS THAT TASTE LIKE BACON!!! I am stranded in a country where everything tastes like eels and lamb kidneys!!!

• When Nat Hentoff is again’ it, you know something’s wrong.
• < homersimpsonvoice >Ooh, erotogenic peptides!< /homersimpsonvoice >
  

  Carl Spana, PhD, CEO of Palatin Technologies, Inc. has been quoted as stating that bremelanotide aroused female rodents “so quickly they started mounting males” and that it may “easily” be made into an oral form.

• Lego Kitchen Storage set
• From those saucy folk at Counting Cats, Reason to Love America #27436: Tailgating. In the video, the tailgaters appear to be eating hot dogs with baked potatoes for buns. This seems extraordinarily efficient!
• The launch of World of Warcraft magazine leaves out an extremely crucial question. Namely, are there cheesecake photos of Night Elves, Blood Elves, or just plain Girls in Bikinis (with or without Star Wars scripts)?
• Mom! My sandwich is endangered!
• Alabama episode of Man vs. Wild = Made of Fail.
• Would you buy Viagra-laced “Sex Pistol” flavor ice cream from these people?
  

  …[T]opless women donning thigh high black leather boots and dripping with melted ice cream sit in silver caned thrones compete with crowns and scepters all over their website.

  I WISH I COULD EAT ICE CREAM!!

• Deviant Art Video: Use the Right Head. This is probably NSFW. But it is very funny.
• From Skillzy, It’s Hip to Be Round. I’m all for men having whatever kind of bellies they want, but hate the way the author consistently says “Ralph Kramden” instead of “pot belly.” Makes it sound like their toting some kind of auto-erotic device around under their shirts.
• Via Stephen Fry’s tweetstream, another video: Music is Life.
• The Squirrelizer!
• From Andrea (and speaking of auto-erotic devices), The Vamp (or Twildo, or Twidildo). It’s obvs NSFW. It’s an alabastery-pinky color, with realistic veining, and in the sunlight, it sparkles! It’s also made to retain temperature, so you keep it in the fridge for an “authentic” experience. Dlisted has some hilarious commentary:
  

  Toss it in the fridge?! They better add a disclaimer, because some ho is going to sue after her chocha gets freezer burned.

  Then they conclude:

  Personally, I’m not wasting my coins on this, because I’m holding out for an Eric Northman Real Doll.

  That’s hot. That’s really, really hot, although I don’t know if Eric would be my first choice to sex up in Bon Temps. If we’re going strictly on physical beauty, there is no man there so crazy sexy as Eggs. But if we start taking personality and whole package into account, I would have to lean toward Sam. Or, damn, who’m I kidding? I’d do it with Hoyt!

• And finally, from Poptart: Robots Evolve, Learn to Lie and Cheat. This is going to make try to appease them with Slurm and girl robots in bikinis really difficult.

Just Bacon, No Babes in Bikinis. Sigh.

• Seventeen extreme S’mores including one with bacon, nicknamed “Righteous on a Graham Cracker.” I also like the Jenga S’more and the Elvis Has Left the Campire S’more.
• Freeform artistic BLT
• Shells’n'Cheese, All Growed Up:
  

  After I made this I was like OMG OMG OMG THIS IS SO FRIGGIN GOOD!!!!!

• The Trouble with T and that Rhymes with P and That Stands for Plum (and bacon)
• Twice-baked bleu cheese potatoes (and bacon)
• Big Sur Breakfast Pizza
• Bacon Caramel Fudge
• From the same blog, Chocolate Caramel Bacon Candy. Seriously, this Jules person needs to start a store or just come over or something. Jules? Fancy a trip to Birmingham?
• Bacon-wrapped scallops
• Potato-bacon torte
• Cornbread with bacon