Free for All Friday 16
There was almost no bacon last week. So this week we’re having a bacongasm! That’s at the end. As gasms should be. But to get you there, suck on these:
- The Primal Diet. Let’s come up with a slogan. And I’m not even saying this in a diets-are-bad-way-mkay, way. I’m saying it in a These People Are Clearly Morons way. The Primal Diet: Mmm, Salmonella; The Primal Diet: It’s Like Bulimia, Only…No, It’s Just Like Bulimia; The Primal Diet: When You Want to Be Both Obviously Skinny and Idiotic. Keep ‘em comin’!
- Jeff Fortenberry (R-Nebraska) is introducing legislation to ammend the Clusterfuck CPSIA bill (I think it should be called that all the time) to at least not make libraries have to gut their shelves of children’s books. You should write to your representative to encourage them to cosponsor or at least vote for the ammendment. And then, if you have any politicking left in you, maybe write Jeff Fortenberry and, after thanking him for the whole Clusterfuck CPSIA thing, ask him to knock it off with the “obesity is a public health crisis” bullshit.
- Some killjoy wrote a computer program to solve Soduku puzzles. I hope he doesn’t get invited to many parties.
- Remember the obnoxious How Progressive Are You quiz from a couple weeks ago? Found one equally obnoxious (and possibly offensive!) from the other side: The People’s Cube Progressive Guilt Quiz. Your results are totalled as you go, so by the time you get to the end you’ve got a number waiting for you. Scroll back up the page to see how to interpret your results. I scored +610 making me a “Non-person”:
You and your life’s work are barred from being mentioned in media publications. Ineligible for re-education. After the Revolution subject to Revolutionary Tribunal Che Guevara style (shot in the head without trial). Everyone you ever came in contact with has been contaminated and is therefore also guilty. We will find them, too. You are all incorrigible corporate war-mongering Zionist terrorists; the people will continue to resist your capitalist attacks by any and all means.
I don’t know if this qualifies as contact, so maybe you might want to repudiate me. I’m fixin to be first against the wall. Also, Apollo, you won’t be able to score negative eleventy billion, but you might could score negative 900, which is like eleventy billion kind of.
- From IC, Bletchley Park reunion! With a recreation of one of Turing’s original Bombes!
- Whoopie Pies are the new Cupcake! Whoopee! I think Omnomicon is just about the best food blog there is. I only wish she updated more frequently.
- Administrators make actual public statement that there are no vampires at a fancy prep school in Boston.
The headmaster of the prestigious exam school took the unusual step today of sending a notice to faculty, students, and parents saying that “rumors involving ‘vampires’” had begun spreading through the building Wednesday, causing disruption and anxiety for a number of students. …. The prestigious Boston Latin public school was founded in 1635, and its students have included Ben Franklin, Sam Adams, John Hancock, Louis Farrakhan, Sumner Redstone, and Nat Hentoff.
And the Headmaster. Had to make a statement. That there were no vampires at the school. Because the students were really worked up. I guess that there might be vampires. Vampires are the least of their problems.
- We talk about gin some around here, right? Here’s a recipe for a San Martin cocktail. Sounds different and tasty and I think I might like to try it. I’ve never looked for Chartreuse in a package store, though. I wonder if it’s hard to find.
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Speaking of cocktails, Bacon Bloody Mary Bottle of Vodka #2 (Smirnoff Red) is half-done-drunk-up. BUT! I did buy a jar of pickle spears. So until I finish those or bum a canning jar off someone, the experiment remains in a tingly state of anticipation.
- And now, your bacongasm:
- Chicken Fried Bacon. Yes, such a thing exists. And is apparently delicate and tasty.
- Bacon Cheddar Cheese Bread: three great tastes that taste great together. Four, if you count the butter. This is made with “back” bacon, so you might have to go out of your way to get that. Or you could say fuck it with the fancy British bacon and use some Hormel Center Cut and take an air guitar solo. That’s probably exactly what I’ll do, actually.
- A video of a hipster telling us that hipsters say that Bacon is so 2008. Good thing we’re not hipsters!
- Bacon Queso Dip. Spread it on the Bacon Cheddar Bread!
If you’re gonna talk about food sites, how ’bout throwing a little love at CliqueClack Food? :D For example:
“Dude. I hate vegans. I literally cannot listen to somebody say the phrase, “I’m a vegan,” without groaning and rolling my eyes. To me, being a vegan is on par with knowing a lot about wine or reading 19th century poetry in your spare time: you’re clearly a pretentious asshole and any conversation we would have would inevitably be so boring that I’d want to jump out a window… into a carcass of a cow.”
And in a completely different direction, one without all the pretentious assholes, today I am again obsessed with Eminence Front. Far and away my favorite song from The Who, but it really doesn’t get the credit it deserves.
Comment by doc on March 27, 2009 at 8:13 am
Yes! I was thinking about that this morning. I actually had a plan to make a vegan recipe (it looks good, actually) and then talk about it using that very paragraph.
Comment by Sarah, etc. on March 27, 2009 at 8:16 am
“and I did have a couple of days detoxing, with a bit of diarrhoea” Dude, it’s called food poisoning. Eating rotting meat will do that to you.
There are at least two things wrong with what the teacher said here:http://science-professor.blogspot.com/2009/03/pantswearer.html
Comment by marciepooh on March 27, 2009 at 8:17 am
The Primal Diet - Now with more tapeworms!
I love Omnomicon, too! That girl is terrific. I want to have her children.
The Headmaster at that school probably had to tell them that because Sumner Redstone went to school there and he’s obviously a vampire. So they’ve had an infestation before. Just not a sparkly one.
I wouldn’t use a pickle jar for anything you don’t want tasting like vinegar. Personal experience.
Gasm!
Comment by Apollo on March 27, 2009 at 8:40 am
Yeah. Food poisoning is evidently fashionable now. And on behalf of bitches, castrating or otherwise, everywhere, some one feed that little man some more rope.
Comment by Sarah, etc. on March 27, 2009 at 9:29 am
It’s not the BBQ tofu is it? Because that still gives me a bit of the wiggins.
Comment by Doc on March 27, 2009 at 9:29 am
Seriously with the pickle jar? Even if I put it through the dishwasher a couple times? Glass shouldn’t hold onto food odor. This is ruining my plan! (Although not more than drinking the vodka before the pickles can all be eaten, or anything.)
Comment by Sarah, etc. on March 27, 2009 at 9:30 am
Noooo. It’s for “truffles” made of dates and prunes.
Comment by Sarah, etc. on March 27, 2009 at 9:31 am
You’d be surprised how ornery that vinegar flavor is. You may be right and it may be fine but if it were my Bacon Bloody Mary I’d probably try another jar. Or try that jar and another jar because, hey, you can’t have too many Bloody Marys (Maries?), right? At least that’s what I told that stupid, uppity brunch waitress…
Comment by Apollo on March 27, 2009 at 9:53 am
And don’t forget your canned bacon! :D
Comment by Nicki on March 27, 2009 at 11:18 am
I haven’t the foggiest what is in the water over at BL…
but I want some.
When I saw that story in the Boston Globe last night I had to check the date to make sure it wasn’t April yet.
As to bacon being 2008, bacon is timeless. All the other stupid internet phenomena may wax and wane, but the pure utilitarian lusciousness of cured and salted swine will outlive this current foolishness. That being said, for all its versatility bacon is not duct tape. You can’t use it for everything. (My nominee for the duct tape of ingredients is eggs, but that’s another matter entirely.)
Comment by StringSlinger on March 27, 2009 at 3:50 pm
“reverse 95 per cent of all diseases, while energy, mental clarity and emotional wellbeing are acquired within 30 days to two years”
I absolutely want to start a diet that may take up to two years to take affect.
What?
Comment by Kira on March 28, 2009 at 11:15 am
Yeah!
Comment by Sarah, etc. on March 30, 2009 at 10:30 am
Do you really want some? What if the vampires get you? What if you start to sparkle?
Eggs are like duct tape, aren’t they? I thought of that while make a frittata on Saturday night. It was tasty!
Comment by Sarah, etc. on March 30, 2009 at 10:30 am
Must never forget that!
Comment by Sarah, etc. on March 30, 2009 at 10:31 am