Free for all Friday 26
You gotta look out for that Free for all Friday. It’s a doo-hoo-hoozy!
- From Doc, what’s better than lesbian porn? CANADIAN lesbian porn! As the show’s writer points out, Canadians are an exotic and mysterious people. Also, triple props for their awesome puns!
- Nick Brandt doesn’t do Wildlife Photography. He photographs wild animals. They’re all so beautiful, but I think my favorite is “Elephant with Exploding Dust.”
- Taller people are generally happier. Should we tax them more for it?
- From Honu Girl, a goat tower! Goats! Hee! In a tower! Haaa!
- What’s really gonna happen if you say “Beetlejuice” three times.
It’s possible we’re observing the beginning of Betelgeuse’s final collapse now. If so, the star, which is 600 light-years away, will already have exploded — and we’ll soon be in for a spectacular, and perfectly safe, interstellar fireworks show.
- From Philosaur, achingly awful similies. And by “achingly awful” I mean, some of them are really, truly awful and some of them are hilarious.
- The Seven Types of Customer. It starts off kind of funny. Then you might get kinda pissed at him like dude, if you don’t want to work in a bookstore, don’t work in a bookstore! Comments bring it back to funny!
- Also from Doc, with great tattoo come great responsibility.
- Honu Girl asks, “Have you been half asleep? Have you heard voices?” Here’s how to find a rainbow.
- Bulletproof tactical corset. I plan on getting on of these for when the revolution comes.
- Is college even worth it any more if you don’t plan on studying science, engineering or business?
For this vast sum of money, your child will be treated as the progeny of a racist, sexist, and homophobic society and desperately in need of reeducation. This will not only take place in the classroom, but even more so in the residence halls where a total shadow university or mandatory reeducation camp exists. Ironically, your child will not be exposed to the values that enable you to pay the costs of this experience, but the very ones that if implemented would make America look like Eastern Europe in the winter of 1989.
I don’t think it is.
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The 2009 Zaggat Guide to Fast Food. Interesting! I have never been to The Cheesecake Factory. But I do love Panera Bread.
Question: do you call it “Panera Bread” or just “Panera”? I just say “Panera,” but almost everybody else I know adds the bread.
- From chris via Honu Girl: I love coffee and have stained teeth. I both look and feel like a dip! I don’t know about clown cars, but she and I do enjoy ordering people onto certain naughty wagons.
- A la Lady Glutter: My Tweetpsych profile. Check out that oral fixation!
- More kinogram hilarity, in the tradition of “when smelling radiation, please run from the pirates.”
- 51 Things You Can’t See on Google Maps
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I disagree at lot with this headline, but here’s a story of a guy who is one of the driving forces behind keeping the rest of the world in touch with Iran’s fomenting revolution. One of Obama’s twentysomething new media experts? Hardly.
Should we talk some about that impending revolution? I can’t really organize my thoughts. On the one hand, Mousavi is Ahmendinajad-or-however-the-fuck-you-spell-it-lite. It’s not like they’d be trading that far up. On the other hand, it makes me see red stars to think of that fucking sham of an election and read people writing about it as if the people’s votes actually counted anyway. Real revolution is going to involve killing the Ayatollah and the Council of Experts and all the mullahs who would ascend into their absences. Until then, pretenses of elections or not, it’s a theocracy. There has to be more. There has to be something I’m not thinking of.
- Via Maggie’s Farm: Dogs can’t talk, really. But they sure can communicate.
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More Sheldon from Honu Girl: Now we’re married in Alabama!
Also, before we get to bacon, I have to tell the entire world, Zooey Glass brought us many fancy and exotic British gifts. (We repayed this kindness with t-shirts, grits, and liquor. Because we’re classy.) Among the fancy and exotic were hard candies and a packet of sugar-free chocolates, which was so thoughtful of her. This week, I have had, for the first time, both Sherbet Lemons and Turkish Delight! They’re fantastic!! I had to look up what the Turkish Delight was, I was so stunned at it: milk chocolate on the outside and this heady, chewy rose-flavored jelly center. I actually kind of hooted, “Dear! This chocolate tastes like roses!”
And without further ado, your weekly cannonade of bacon:
- An Extreme BLT
- Not bacon but bacon-adjacent, Pesto Shrimp with Pancetta and Parmesan Polenta (and alliteration). The author of the recipe calls this “fancy-pants shrimp and grits” and I couldn’t agree more. I want to try this. I need to acquire pancetta (another engineering grade near-bacon food).
- Simple bacon pancakes
- Bacon-cheese biscuits shaped like pigs.
- Smoke your own bacon.
- Then double-smoke it. Priceless:
My friend’s mother, an avid foodie, had a different idea of what to stock up on [for y2k]: she decided that 25 pounds of bacon would be far more essential for survival (along with a case of gin). What can one say, the woman possessed a peculiar yet admirable sense of practicality…
You know, Slinger commented last week that with all the bacon experimenting and plotting, it’s clear that I am eventually going to just have to make my own. I am with him. I would get a kick out of raising a pig to slaughter, then eat. My only problem is I can’t see myself ever owning the property to do that. I would think you’d need at least 1.5 acres for a little pig hut and some place to root, right? Or are they doing interesting things with urban pig keeping lately and I’m just not hip?
Wow, that photography is just amazing. I can’t pick my favorite, and now I might just have to go get his books. Gorgeous!
And I love your gigantic ffaf’s! So much fun!
Comment by Honu-girl on June 19, 2009 at 8:27 am
I liked the elephant with baby elephant picture best, but at those prices, we’d all be better off with our own goat towers. But maybe that gets to your piglet dilemma. You have a back yard, so clearly the answer is a pig tower!
And the girls from Seeking Simone are awesome, and not just because they are Canadian.
Comment by doc on June 19, 2009 at 8:33 am
I spent a few years on and off working in a bookstore and this guy is right on except he left a few out.
The Repressed - These customers come into the story for one reason, to browse through all the sex related books. Often these are teenage boys but not always. They take the sex books to other sections and then leave them there. There is nothing quite like having to comb the children’s section fro books on the Kama Sutra. Be wary of the pedophile subtype of this group.
The Clueless - These customer just don’t know what is going on. They come into the books store and ask for just about any product other than books. Picture frames, spark plugs, fresh vegetables, etc.
The Desperate - I always loved these jokers. They consist of high school and college students that have a book report due on Monday morning on some classic novel like The Catcher in the Rye. They rush in about ten minutes until closing on Sunday night and practically beg you for the Cliff Notes version of the book. Of course, you are completely sold out of it because everyone else has been in looking for the same thing for the past week. When you don’t have it they ask if you have read it and what it’s about. I can’t count the times I gave out an incorrect summary of a book just to screw with these guys.
Working in the store was a decent job and I generally got to work with nice customers but, as with any job, it could be frustrating at times. I can definitely relate to the customers coming in looking for the latest Oprah book even though they had no clue as to what it might be or what it is about.
Comment by Shadowhelm on June 19, 2009 at 8:49 am
Oh, and in case anyone was scared by that Canadian lesbian porn link, it’s not really lesbian porn. It’s actually a very funny web TV comedy about online dating and you should totally check it out.
Comment by doc on June 19, 2009 at 9:34 am
So did she enjoy the grits?
Also, if Betelgeuse ’splodes it will look SO AWESOME. And I’ve stopped looking at your bacon links at work because it makes me too hungry to move. I save them for when I actually have bacon to cook. :-)
Totally agree w/ doc on the pig tower, btw. You could also just buy a slaughtered pig if you wanted to skip the whole emotional-attachment-to-breakfast phase.
Comment by Apollo on June 19, 2009 at 10:01 am
I don’t know if she enjoyed the grits, Apollo. She’s spent a lot of the past few days asleep, I suspect. We have to give her a chance to make them.
And I’m not really worried about emotional attachment, although I’m sure I might get worried if I actually go through with it. But I could look at any animal and eat it, I suspect. I would buy a pig to cut out the raising it step, but I’d need several other people and/or families to go in on it with me. It’s a great value, but a lot of money up front.
Comment by Sarah, etc. on June 19, 2009 at 10:36 am
Ah, I thought you had fed them to her while she was here. I could be completely wrong here but I thought that you could buy a slaughtered pig for less than a hundred bucks. I don’t remember who told me that, though. The fact that you “could look at any animal and eat it” is part of what makes you so awesome, Sarah.
Comment by Apollo on June 19, 2009 at 11:06 am
I need to remember not get stuck in mountain pass with Sarah.
Comment by marciepooh on June 19, 2009 at 11:47 am
I would eat my friends last. Like, first it would be ugly but tasty animals, then tasty but cute animals, then animals I might be emotionally attached to, then other people’s pets, then my pets, then my friends. Friends are a meal of last resort.
And nope, didn’t cook the grits for her. I made her coffee and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and we had a good dinner of filet mignon with steamed asparagus and rosemary-and-olive-oil roasted potatoes, but that’s it for my cooking. She took home with her (or ditched at the airport, maybe; kidding!) a little 1 lb bag of Quaker quick-cooking grits.
Comment by Sarah, etc. on June 19, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Did she get some cornbread? Was there Jiffy mix involved?
Comment by doc on June 19, 2009 at 1:10 pm
No! Crap! I even have many boxes of Jiffy mix (Yankee style!) in my little pantry. There were just not enough days to get in all the meals she needed to eat. We are well invited to go spend some time with her, so if we make it to England, I will take several boxes of that.
I did have a box of krispy kremes, though.
Comment by Sarah, etc. on June 19, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Speaking of Krispy Kreme, the company isn’t doing so well. Dare we even imagine the nightmare of life sans KK?
http://tinyurl.com/l6u2ey
Comment by Apollo on June 19, 2009 at 2:28 pm
You forgot THIS!
Comment by Poptart on June 20, 2009 at 1:34 am
I call it “Pantera Bread” and break into an air guitar frenzy. This really annoys people.
Comment by skillzy on June 21, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Next week, Pop!
And Skillzy, man, now I am going to call it Pantera Bread and take an air guitar solo. I don’t usually need an excuse to do that, but I’ll take one!
Comment by Sarah, etc. on June 22, 2009 at 8:20 am