Sarah Et Cetera

Welcome to another crushingly large FFAF! Please feel free to use the comments to start as much shit as you want. Bonus points for Perez Hilton snark, not caring too much about Michael Jackson, and very short stories about how quickly we’ll be plunged into the Dark Ages if the Cap-and-Trade bill passes today. Go go go!

• First, from Poptart: Augmented Reality Zombie Hunting Game! Woooo!
• Lego candles!
• Want to play an annoyingly difficult flash game? Circle the Cat. I’m told Marcie beat it. Which makes me a little scared of her.
• Rain of tadpoles
• Boy hit by meteorite or massive proof that most journalists are just lazy as hell? You have to read the comments to get that bit tho.
• Five brilliant words: Big Gay Ice Cream Truck!
• Fallen princesses. Belle gets botox. Ew.
• Hilarious public notice hoaxes in Philadelphia.
• Now you can file a Hurt Feelings Report. Once filed, please be prepared for the possibility that you may required to attend a mandatory seminar on Putting On Your Big Girl Panties.
• Chipmunks and Star Wars.
  

  He was able to convince the chipmunks to pose using a mixture of perseverance and almonds.

• Fresh photos from Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland. No Rickman as The Caterpillar yet, but I’m almost glad of it. I have a feeling it’s going to make me very uncomfortable.
• Amputee tattoos. Hey, Skillzy? We still getting tattoos?
• CliqueClack TV mines my dreams with What if We Got Rid of TV News?
  

  Imagine if there weren’t any CNN, MSNBC, FOX News, Headline News, CNBC, or FOX Business. Imagine if we went back to the old model of three networks, one half-hour a day, once a day. We could supplement instantaneous need to know with the Internet, and then have our national discussion of the days events together, at the same time every day.

  Can you imagine it? Why, reporters would actually have to report. And ask real live questions. That the people being interviewed didn’t actually provide them with. Fuckers! Christ. Okay. Moving on.

• American Studies at American Digest gives us The Centennarian:
  

  If you knew that everyday for the rest of your life, you’d be dressed in diapers and confined to a wheelchair with blurred eyesight in a small brick walled room what would you do? If you knew that at every meal for the rest of your life a woman who talked to you as if you were a baby would spoon three flavors of baby food into your mouth, what would you do? If, opening your eyes, you knew that all you would see would be a bright fluorescent glare and the blurred shapes of dozens of others, mostly women, lolling about in wheelchairs, what would you do? If you knew to a dead, solid certainty that you were never going to be released from your room until you were released, at long last, from your body, what would you do? If you were a sane man, just what would you, at long last, do?

  I don’t know about you, but I would figure a way out and if that way out was only deeper in, that’s where I’d go. I’d go deep into my palace of memories and I’d use all my energy to construct a world inside that was made of the most vivid moments of all the years I’d lived.

  It’s beautiful and worth reading in its entirety.

• File under WTF But I’ll Still Buy It: Firefly Official Companion Vol. 3 due next year. Even Whedonesque wants to know what’s up. I mean, what’s left to cover? You’d think if they were doing a critical reading of smutty fanfiction, someone would have consulted me.
• HOSHITSPIDERS
• Your weekly shot of DOOOOMED: There are nine stages of civilization and we’re in the seventh. Yes? No? Some of those big girl panties I was going on about?
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Kitchen Appliances.
• Patriarch of the Church of Ethiopia says he’s going to unveil the Arc of the Covenant. Okay, first, this isn’t like Bobby Jim the Pastor down at the Jet-Pep Truck Stop Baptist Gathering and Tractor Pull. This dude is learned. He is a scholar. You would think somebody would have told him that his eyes are going to melt out of his head!
• The X-Men Relationship chart. Wow. I mean, wow.
• 10 Amazing Facts about B.O. Don’t tell me you don’t come here to get your learn on. I know you do! Dig this:
  

  The male chemical androstadienone in sweat was found to regulate menstrual cycle and increase the release of luteinizing hormone, which plays an important role in stimulating ovulation. The male underarm odor also activates certain brain areas, improving woman’s mood and sexual arousal.

  Yep!

• Cheez-It Flavored lip balm. The author seems surprised that anyone would want to use this. I’m surprised anybody doesn’t.
• Gallery of stuck Tic-tacs.
• Beef jerky panties.

• From Apollo, make your own bacon soap!
• Make your own bacon dress!
• Grilled bacon trout. Check that out. Have you ever had whole, fresh caught trout? It’s so very good. I can think the bacon would only make it better. The photos kind of crack me up, too. It looks like they’re barfing green onions.
• The bacon bits secret
• Candied bacon ice cream
• Sage biscuit bites with bacon, strawberries and honey creme fraiche.